First Final

Today I have my first final of 5. I'm by all means not excited, rather nervous and shaky. I don't know what to think because I'm trying to stay as calm as possible. I know that I know the material but I feel as if there is so much information to remember that I will forget when the test is handed out. I would do anything to completely eliminate finals week from everyone's schedules.  It's out of my control so I will just deal with it. 

I will blog about my English final when it's over to tell you guys tips I used to stay calm and things I did to stay focused!! Wish me luck and I'll ttyl. 

Xoxox,

Rachel 

Keeping it Together

I have been stressed out of my mind lately and I don't even know how I have kept it together this long.  Yesterday, I had 5 tests and I barely studied for each one because the way I attempted to spread my studying out didn't exactly go as I planned.
You know when you are just fed up and frustrated?  I mean, that's how I feel at this very moment, yes at 1:53am.  I don't even understand why I am so angry.  Am I angry at myself?  I have no idea but I think it is all related to my stress levels lately.  Teachers just don't understand.  They think they understamd how much pressure we are under when it comes to finals and stuff like that, but the truth of the matter is, they don't.  They just aren't in that state of mind anymore.
You know when teachers are so annoying?  I'm not talking about teenager annoying like, "Mom you're ruining my life," but more like inconsiderate and oblivious annoying?  That's happening to me at this very moment.  Tomorrow morning, which is really this morning, I have to go to an extra help because since I had 5 tests yesterday, I wasn't able to study for another test I have tomorrow. The advisor of the club I am in is holding a mandatory meeting tomorrow morning for any student who wants to become an officer of the club and must take a written exam tomorrow morning before school.  I attempted to explain to her that I wasn't able to attend the meeting because I had to go to an extra help.  The words that came out of her damn mouth was, "I don't care about an extra help."  Um, excuse me?  When is it okay to defend yourself and stand up for yourself in front of a teacher?  I mean, I'm all for respecting teachers and all that but I mean give me a damn break.
There are times I just want to cry, and possibly give up.  When finals come around, it might be the worst time of the year.  I hate going to the doctor and getting blood taken but I am almost positive I would rather get a blood test than enter into the world of finals week.  It's absolute torture.  The scariest part of it is that you take the final and then you're done.  There's nothing you can do if the grade you earn isn't particularly the grade you anticipated or yearned for.  It's like everything you worked for this year is being culminated into a 3 hour test.  It's like why do we even do so much work the entire year just to take a stupid 3 hour test?  What if I am having a bad day?  It's unfair that the final grade is permanent.
Also, my school ends in 5 days.  I still have many more tests.  Like, are you kidding me?  Someone once told me to celebrate and be happy it's June because school is ending.  How come I feel that it's not the proper time to celebrate?  OMG I am stressed out of my mind.  Okay, I am going to try to sleep.  This is stressful and annoying.
Leave comments below if you have advice, need advice, or just want to write a comment.
xoxox,
Rachel<3

Boarding Alone

As I gently walked through the security screening and got my bags I glanced one more time at my Father and was on my way, alone. 

On the way to the airport it kept thinking about if I would panic or be fine. I repediatley attempted to visualize myself on the plane or at least boarding the plane with my backpack, suitcase, and of coarse, myself.  I just couldn't do it. On top of that, I couldn't imagine that I was going to walk through a crowed overwhelming airport alone. I am typically a nervous wreck when it comes to doing things by myself, but I guess that's just life.

As I walked to my gate, I looked all around me and realized how small I must have looked in the gigantic airport.  There were so many people, some running to their gates like maniacs and some looking like they do this all of the time, and some looking like they had no idea what they were doing. Which one did I look like?  I tried to look like I knew what I was doing even though my face was probably extremely red, confused, and excited. People most likely either wanted to run away from me or even help me, but I didn't want help, I didn't need help, I was alone, mature.  I felt like I was growing up and this was just a minor milestone. 

Finally, I approached the gate, checked my ticket about 10 times to make sure the flight number was the same as the screen and made sure that the times were exactly the same as the guy at the gate kept saying.  Of coarse, I am smarter than I typically think I am so I was in the right place. I looked around for a seat, did I want to sit next to someone?  Did I want to be the awkward, confused girl in the corner?  I found a seat in the middle on the end of a row.  It was perfect.  I looked around, checked the time on my phone and figured out that I only had 45 minutes to get a bite to eat, get a drink, or just walk around.  Since my father gave me money I might as well use it.  I comfortably strolled over to Baked by MeIissa and bought three cupcakes.  Two red velvet and one triple chocolate fudge, I deserved it!  

I checked the time and even though it felt like 5 minutes went by, 20 actually did. I had to get back to the gate before they all boarded without me. That wouldn't be a good phone call to my parents explaining why I didn't get on the plane. I found a new seat, it was a wooden high chair with numerous outlets to charge electronics. That was perfect for me because I am constantly on my phone and I was also still a little nervous so it would be an excellent distraction and calm me down. 

As I was relaxed, it was quiet, and the sweating stopped a family of four sprinted to gate 6, my gate, and looked extremely befuddled and rushed. They stressfully asked the man at the gate 6 desk, " did they board yet?!"  First of all, they needed to take like 10 chill pills and there are so many people around you sitting down, do you think we all boarded?  The mother of the family took her daughter who looked about 6 years kid to get something to eat. Then the father with the baby yelled to the mother, " do you have my iPad?!" The mother didn't so then he began to freak out as he practically dumped everything out of their bag and found it. Then the father realized that he didn't have his wallet. "Hunny! Do you have my wallet?!" The mother didn't have it. Again, he dumped everything out of the bags and began to sweat. It looked like I was watching a comedy show I wanted to laugh so hard. That was a better distraction than my phone. I am not even joking then the father misplaced all of the boarding passes!