First Final

Today I have my first final of 5. I'm by all means not excited, rather nervous and shaky. I don't know what to think because I'm trying to stay as calm as possible. I know that I know the material but I feel as if there is so much information to remember that I will forget when the test is handed out. I would do anything to completely eliminate finals week from everyone's schedules.  It's out of my control so I will just deal with it. 

I will blog about my English final when it's over to tell you guys tips I used to stay calm and things I did to stay focused!! Wish me luck and I'll ttyl. 

Xoxox,

Rachel 

Keeping it Together

I have been stressed out of my mind lately and I don't even know how I have kept it together this long.  Yesterday, I had 5 tests and I barely studied for each one because the way I attempted to spread my studying out didn't exactly go as I planned.
You know when you are just fed up and frustrated?  I mean, that's how I feel at this very moment, yes at 1:53am.  I don't even understand why I am so angry.  Am I angry at myself?  I have no idea but I think it is all related to my stress levels lately.  Teachers just don't understand.  They think they understamd how much pressure we are under when it comes to finals and stuff like that, but the truth of the matter is, they don't.  They just aren't in that state of mind anymore.
You know when teachers are so annoying?  I'm not talking about teenager annoying like, "Mom you're ruining my life," but more like inconsiderate and oblivious annoying?  That's happening to me at this very moment.  Tomorrow morning, which is really this morning, I have to go to an extra help because since I had 5 tests yesterday, I wasn't able to study for another test I have tomorrow. The advisor of the club I am in is holding a mandatory meeting tomorrow morning for any student who wants to become an officer of the club and must take a written exam tomorrow morning before school.  I attempted to explain to her that I wasn't able to attend the meeting because I had to go to an extra help.  The words that came out of her damn mouth was, "I don't care about an extra help."  Um, excuse me?  When is it okay to defend yourself and stand up for yourself in front of a teacher?  I mean, I'm all for respecting teachers and all that but I mean give me a damn break.
There are times I just want to cry, and possibly give up.  When finals come around, it might be the worst time of the year.  I hate going to the doctor and getting blood taken but I am almost positive I would rather get a blood test than enter into the world of finals week.  It's absolute torture.  The scariest part of it is that you take the final and then you're done.  There's nothing you can do if the grade you earn isn't particularly the grade you anticipated or yearned for.  It's like everything you worked for this year is being culminated into a 3 hour test.  It's like why do we even do so much work the entire year just to take a stupid 3 hour test?  What if I am having a bad day?  It's unfair that the final grade is permanent.
Also, my school ends in 5 days.  I still have many more tests.  Like, are you kidding me?  Someone once told me to celebrate and be happy it's June because school is ending.  How come I feel that it's not the proper time to celebrate?  OMG I am stressed out of my mind.  Okay, I am going to try to sleep.  This is stressful and annoying.
Leave comments below if you have advice, need advice, or just want to write a comment.
xoxox,
Rachel<3

Boarding Alone

As I gently walked through the security screening and got my bags I glanced one more time at my Father and was on my way, alone. 

On the way to the airport it kept thinking about if I would panic or be fine. I repediatley attempted to visualize myself on the plane or at least boarding the plane with my backpack, suitcase, and of coarse, myself.  I just couldn't do it. On top of that, I couldn't imagine that I was going to walk through a crowed overwhelming airport alone. I am typically a nervous wreck when it comes to doing things by myself, but I guess that's just life.

As I walked to my gate, I looked all around me and realized how small I must have looked in the gigantic airport.  There were so many people, some running to their gates like maniacs and some looking like they do this all of the time, and some looking like they had no idea what they were doing. Which one did I look like?  I tried to look like I knew what I was doing even though my face was probably extremely red, confused, and excited. People most likely either wanted to run away from me or even help me, but I didn't want help, I didn't need help, I was alone, mature.  I felt like I was growing up and this was just a minor milestone. 

Finally, I approached the gate, checked my ticket about 10 times to make sure the flight number was the same as the screen and made sure that the times were exactly the same as the guy at the gate kept saying.  Of coarse, I am smarter than I typically think I am so I was in the right place. I looked around for a seat, did I want to sit next to someone?  Did I want to be the awkward, confused girl in the corner?  I found a seat in the middle on the end of a row.  It was perfect.  I looked around, checked the time on my phone and figured out that I only had 45 minutes to get a bite to eat, get a drink, or just walk around.  Since my father gave me money I might as well use it.  I comfortably strolled over to Baked by MeIissa and bought three cupcakes.  Two red velvet and one triple chocolate fudge, I deserved it!  

I checked the time and even though it felt like 5 minutes went by, 20 actually did. I had to get back to the gate before they all boarded without me. That wouldn't be a good phone call to my parents explaining why I didn't get on the plane. I found a new seat, it was a wooden high chair with numerous outlets to charge electronics. That was perfect for me because I am constantly on my phone and I was also still a little nervous so it would be an excellent distraction and calm me down. 

As I was relaxed, it was quiet, and the sweating stopped a family of four sprinted to gate 6, my gate, and looked extremely befuddled and rushed. They stressfully asked the man at the gate 6 desk, " did they board yet?!"  First of all, they needed to take like 10 chill pills and there are so many people around you sitting down, do you think we all boarded?  The mother of the family took her daughter who looked about 6 years kid to get something to eat. Then the father with the baby yelled to the mother, " do you have my iPad?!" The mother didn't so then he began to freak out as he practically dumped everything out of their bag and found it. Then the father realized that he didn't have his wallet. "Hunny! Do you have my wallet?!" The mother didn't have it. Again, he dumped everything out of the bags and began to sweat. It looked like I was watching a comedy show I wanted to laugh so hard. That was a better distraction than my phone. I am not even joking then the father misplaced all of the boarding passes! 

Time Flies

Wow!  I can't believe that it has been a month since I last blogged!  So much has happened and I can't wait to tell you.
   School has been going okay.  I am very stressed and overwhelmed with work, tests, projects.  I am just super exhausted!  My grades are good but not exactly where I want them to be so I need to work a little harder to achieve my ultimate goal.  It isn't necessarily the workload that is hard to handle but taking tests and with projects being due every week is just insane.  I have hardly received any sleep because I am up studying or finishing projects.  Every single night I have been going to bed at 1 in the morning except for tonight!  I figured why not do what I love and blog?
  Also, why do teachers have to be so forgetful?  I mean I did this outstanding project for one of my teachers and she lost my project.  I tried extremely hard to obtain an exceptional grade and when she finally found my project, she just perused right through it and wrote 100.  I mean thanks but can't she just read it and comment on it.  I want feedback!  I wanna get corrective criticism.  And then another teacher had us do a project in class and put it in his dropbox on the computer and of coarse mine won't open on his computer!  So now he told me that if I don't email it to him by tonight, I am going to get a 0.  First of all, you can't give me a 0 because the stupid computer won't open my project.  And also, you can't give me a 0 because clearly I did the project because it's in the damn dropbox!  When my teacher was telling me this I felt so much aggravation because he was trying to almost scare me.  "Grades are due tomorrow!"  Like, okay I know but I did the damn assignment.  Teachers I tell you.
   Yesterday, I had to make a pretty tough decision whether or not to go to a hockey game because I had a final exam in science today.  Of coarse I didn't want to miss out on the game and went.  Turns out the test was extremely hard for me and I feel so regretful.  The main reason I went to the game though was because my father asked me if I could go to the game during school, so I asked someone when our science test was.  She said it was Thursday.  So I texted my father back that I could go.  Then, last period in science I realized that the test was actually today so I knew I couldn't go to the game.  Really though, I thought my father paid money for the tickets so I felt bad telling him I made a mistake and couldn't go.  At the game he was telling me how his friend gave him the tickets!  Are you kidding me??? Ugh I just have bad luck ahha.
  In English, we are reading a book called Lord of The Flies.  It's absolutely amazing!  A quick summary is that young English boys are trapped on an island and the book is mainly on the question, "What would kids do without adults?"  Sort of like the first episode of Jimmy Neutron but with a lot more violence.  The boys form leadership roles and at first the boys are civilized and over the coarse of weeks, they become savages.  It is an interesting book that I highly recommend!
Going to sleep Now!!! xoxox
Rachel :)<3

Relief!

I can’t even believe that I made it through this week.  Right now I am sitting in the school library awaiting last period and I am just reflecting on this week.

            It was a tough one but “I made it through the rain!”  It has been a bumpy week with a lot of tennis and tests but I managed to limit the procrastination and it worked!  I aced my Chemistry test and won my tennis match! I feel so proud of myself! 

If anyone is just so addicted to either their Facebook, Twitter, or anything like that, don’t go on it for a week.  It will work and your obsession will decrease and your focus will be schoolwork!  I promise.  I hate when I used to go online and look back at the clock and I wasted a good hour or so procrastinating.

            This morning I didn’t speak in front of the class.  But that’s okay because not that many people did it.  Only three people volunteered.  The teacher then decided that she was going to video tape us doing it and that also made me completely back out.  We still have the opportunity to do it on Tuesday but I really don’t know.  The people that did it put a lot of emotion into the speech and some even became teary eyed.  I would be so nervous I would be shaky so I wouldn’t put as much emotion into it but fearing for myself.

            Anyways, this was just a brief blog because the bell is going to ring in literally 3 minutes.  LAST PERIOD yayaya

Xoxoxo

Rachel 

Should I or Not?

Hey!  So sorry my postings have been so stretched out over the coarse of the weeks!  Anyway, tomorrow in my English class, we have the option to speak in front of the class.  It's a speech from the play Antigone.  For reciting her goodbye speech, you can receive extra credit.  I just hate when teachers put students in positions where they have to truly think about whether they are comfortable speaking in front of the class or not.  I know that I want to be a broadcaster and I should want to speak in front of people, but I just haven't broke through my shell 100%.  I am maybe 65% more comfortable speaking than I was a few years ago; to me that's progress.  I am becoming so worked up over a 1-2 minute speech.  On top of that, my teacher told us that we would have to also wear either a big bed sheet over us or something stupid because we have to make it look like we are from Ancient Greece.  This makes me so nervous I can't even bare it.  Sometimes when I speak in front of a large group, my face becomes scorching hot and I turn beat red, and my voice just goes.  Like I could be speaking and when my heart is racing, my voice just disappears because I have been forgetting to breath.  I know that if I do the speech, I will feel so accomplished.  If I don't do the speech, I will feel like typical me and backing out because my nerves got the best of me.  I am so confused right now because I don't want to mess up and look like an idiot.  I don't even raise my hand to read a paragraph in something we read in class, so how am I suppose to speak standing up in front of the class with a burst of emotion and enthusiasm?  I know I should probably just speak in front of the class to feel the satisfaction that I have been wanting to have from a big accomplishment, but I just don't know.  I would love any comments you have for me because I don't know what to do!! ThankssxoxoxRachel :)<3

Long Time no Speak

  I am so sorry that it has been so long!  I have been super busy with my schoolwork and tests!  I have been overwhelmed and full of stress and anxiety. It's funny because I am suppose to be helping all of you readers out there,meanwhile, I'm having a tough and stressful time myself.  If you are feeling stressed or even if you feel nervous, it's okay. We can get through this. 

   I didn't expect this week to be so overloaded with tests but it is! 

   Anyway, it is getting late but I had an idea that came to me in the middle of last week. I wanted to briefly talk about my school experience right now. I don't mean my homework or teachers, I'm talking socially and emotionally.  

   I have been realizing that the only thing that had me worried about going to the 10th grade was if I was going to have friends in my classes. Now, I have come to realize that the friends that you currently have, may not always be there for you.  In that case, you must branch out and meet new people.  It doesn't mean that your friends from last year can't be your friends anymore, I'm just saying that your friends are teenagers, teens are constantly full of emotion.  Especially teenage girls, they are hard to constantly get along with.  So my point being, branch out. Talk to new people.  No matter what the race, gender, ethnicity, or even background is, talk to new people.  Don't just set academic goals for yourself but set social goals like to say hi to more to people that you know when you pass them in between classes.  If you are an overall good person, your peers and even your teachers will recognize that and it could possibly benefit you in the future.  

It's getting late and I have a chemistry test tomorrow 

Xoxoxoxxo Rachel :)